Choosing a Sperm Donor

Sperm Choice

Once you have decided on the possibility of having fertility treatment with a clinic or Home ICI (if in the US) you will then make the decision on whether you have a ‘known’ donor or an ‘unknown/closed donor'.

Sperm Storage

Some clinics or sperm banks  provide free storage for multiple vials purchased, so you can get your chosen donor before he sells out. Shipping times depends on your location but can be anything from you picking it up from the sperm bank yourself to 2-10 days. Ensure you always give yourself enough time for it to arrive & be stored at your clinic prior to starting treatment.

Choosing a Donor

It  is important to make a list of what you would want in a donor. We would always say to consider the below reasons when choosing as it may make it easier to find one that seems right for you:

Costs

Many banks give ‘free access’ to their donor pool, which may be limited to basic profile information & no images. To gain unrestricted access lots of banks provide this for a fee or subscription for a certain period whereby you can gain access.

When it comes to sperm donor vials, you can be looking at £700-£1200 per vial; if you require one who has had additional screening this will cost more. You will the have to pay SHIPPING costs & ’pregnancy slots’.

There is different pricing dependant on what kind of sperm vials you purchase. You can purchase ‘washed’ or ‘unwashed’ vials & also different vials for different types of treatment. Ensure you get the right vials for the fertility treatment you are going to have, & check the mobility of the sperm, as frozen sperm once thawed & then prepared can diminish in numbers.

We at LGBT MUMMIES have multiple DISCOUNT CODES for our sperm bank partners so check out our ‘PARTNERS’ page for the codes to get discounts on your purchases or free full access to their donor pools.

Restrictions

Make sure you check with the bank if they allow donors to put ‘restrictions’ on their sperm; Unfortunately there are some banks worldwide who allow donors to restrict who their sperm can be sold to- so check this first, as you do not want to find a donor you have your heart set on that in turn has a restriction on ‘LGBT+- this however is not legal & you should report this to your country regulator.

Having a donor conceived child

It is also crucial when choosing a donor to consider the impact on your future children. How will your choice of donor impact them? How will you tell them about their creation? Will the donor be involved? Research shows that telling your children of their conception at a young age is healthy & can have a positive impact on their experience of being donor conceived, & this is reiterated through the lived experiences & voices of many donor conceived people who now share their experiences to educate on how best to share the news with your children of their creation.

Recipient parent emotions

As a recipient parent, the thought of sharing this news with your future children may seem disconcerting- some report feeling upset at the thought of their children wanting to find their donor, or even their biological siblings conceived from the same donor. Some recipient parents experience grief or the feeling of genetic los (if they are no the parent carrying) but also the repressed grief when it comes to how they refer to the donor, the journey or the language they use regarding the journey. Research shows that sharing their journey in an open & honest way means they can make decisions about their biological parenthood & their relationships in the future, so they feel supported & engaged in their journey as a donor conceived person- as they may want to meet or know about their donor or siblings or even their biological history in more detail.

Seeking help from a professional  & or support groups can help to unpack your feelings, how to support yourself, partner(s) & donor conceived child. Dealing with your own feelings of grief, possible genetic loss & concerns means you can concentrate on how to support your child & their own feelings which may too include feelings of genetic loss- especially if they are unable to contact their donor.

It may also be useful to connect with or read experiences from donor conceived people to see how their different experiences shaped their journeys in positive or negative ways. This can have a great impact on the decisions you make as a intended parent.

Donor Siblings

Many donor conceived people decide that at some point in their life, they want to reach out & find other siblings created from their donor. They may feel a part of their biological history is missing, & that they want to know how many others are out there. Some just want to know of them, others may wish to reach out & have a relationship with them & possibly their donor. If they do, it’s crucial you support them in these big life decisions & ensure they feel safe & respected in their decisions. This may be difficult for the donor conceived persons parents, however them making these connections may be something that they have thought about for a long time & be important to them & their identity. 

Some parents decide to connect with siblings & their families when their children are very young & have relationships with them, & their donor too.

This may not be the choice of all recipient parents or donor conceived people, & every journey is different, but it is crucial that you do as much research as possible to ensure you are best placed to confidently communicate & support any donor conceived children you have & their future.

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